Sunday, February 15, 2009
Well, if you have any interest whatsoever in the entertainment world, you have heard something about Chris Brown and Rihanna. Like many, I have been bombarded with information on this incident despite my best attempts to avoid it.
However, one night I heard people calling into the radio station to talk about it. The station was contemplating taking Brown's songs off the air until more was known and put the choice to the callers.
Well, the callers voted an overwhelming no to that one. That's not a big deal in and of itself, but what I couldn't ignore was the overall venom being directed at Rihanna from the callers. Of the 15 or so calls I heard, around 12 were woman and they all attacked Rihanna.
Yes, that's a random sample of people, but I've read a lot of other articles that seem to be reflecting the same attitudes (unless somehow we were all listening to the same station at the same time). There was just this overwhelming sentiment that Rihanna somehow caused this to happen to her.
I honestly can't believe that people are taking this stance.
First, it must be said that no one knows what happened yet. Until the facts come in, there should be no blaming of anyone. No one should be attacking Chris Brown OR Rihanna. You weren't there. You don't know what happened.
Second, and much bigger, is this blame the victim mentality. It just has to go, especially in our community. Violence and sexual abuse against black girls and adult women often goes unreported and this is the reason why. The anger and fury at Rihanna was insane. One male caller basically came right out and said that sometimes women go too far and are just asking for it. I could not believe my ears.
Unless she is trying to steal your car, break into your house, kidnap your child, etc; men shouldn't hit women. A "heated" argument is no reason to strike a woman. End of story. Woman makes you angry, you walk away and calm your ass down. If you can't stay calm, then just stay away from her period. Abusive relationships don't do anyone any good. If the only way to solve problems in your relationship is violence then its time for both parties to walk away.
I guarantee you Chris Brown now wishes he would have just walked off.
On the other side, those women who jump to the conclusion that another woman was somehow asking for it need to take a long look in the mirror and probably a few hourly sessions with a therapist. It really makes me wonder what is going on in their heads. Do they feel this way about themselves? When they get into arguments, are they, on some level, actually trying to push the guy into hitting them? That is insane to me on a number of levels and anyone who thinks along those lines needs to get help.
Last, the entire community has to stop justifying this kind of behavior. Domestic abuse is a problem in the black community. I am not naive enough to believe it can be completely eliminated, but I do think it could be lessened if we all took a tougher tone on it.