The Freedom of Marriage

Wednesday, April 29, 2009

It seems every Friday or Saturday I get a series of phone calls from my friends asking me what I am doing that day. My answers usually range from watching the game to laundry to errands, etc. They're looking for something more in the way of "I'm going to Club fill in the blank." From time to time I succumb to peer pressure and head out to a "fun" night of clubbing only to realize about an hour or so into it that I have absolutely no desire to be out at all.

Pretty soon, I'm standing around making idle conversation with randoms and pretty much on a full countdown until its time to leave. This is pretty much by the usual comments of me "not being fun anymore" blah blah blah. My reply is that its not that I'm not fun anymore, but that I am now an adult and my view of what is and is not fun is radically different from what it was 10 years ago.

In other words, I'm too old for this shit.

Don't get me wrong. I'm not that old (31), but I am married. I also went to Southern University and anyone who went to an HBCU will probably agree with the feeling that they partied enough the first couple of years to last a lifetime (and they probably also send a quick thanks to God that they actually withstood all that and graduated). The thought of going out to Club X and staying their all night just doesn't hold the same sway that it did when I first unpacked my stuff in my dorm room on the yard.

This line of reasoning is often met by a round of "marriage has changed you" arguments from the crew. Marriage has no doubt changed me. But my boys are implying that I am not as free as I used to be. That marriage is restricting me from doing things that are fun.

I beg to differ.

Their mindset is not uncommon. When people think of marriage today, the first thought on their minds seems to be how restricting it is. I look at things from the other direction. While marriage may limit you from being able to date a bunch of people, it does something (or at least it should do something) that's even greater than that.

It frees you to be you.

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